The Illusion of Relationships — and the Truth Beneath

This weekend unraveled something massive in me. Something I feel so many are moving through silently, loudly, consciously or unconsciously and it’s the raw reality of relationships.

Not the curated version. Not the idea of partnership we cling to.

But the truth beneath it all: unconditional love.

Let’s start this one gently, because relationships are a deep, tangled mess.

Unconditional love, from a human’s perspective is often misunderstood.

We think it means loving someone no matter what.

Tolerating.

Sacrificing.

Pleading.

Wishing.

Hoping.

But that’s not unconditional love. That’s illusion.

Unconditional love is seeing someone’s essence knowing they are consciousness at the deepest level and loving them there.

It doesn’t mean accepting or excusing unconscious behaviour.

It means loving someone as deeply as you love yourself because you are them. You are consciousness too.

And love without condition includes the form you’re in as well.

So when something is out of alignment in a relationship not from ego, but from truth it becomes clear.

Egoic alignment says:

• “They should behave this way to make me feel good.”

• “They need to show up for me the way I expect.”

But pure alignment says:

• “I feel content and whole. I meet you here. If your actions or choices move out of alignment with love, I see that. And I don’t take it on.”

Presence lets you see clearly. And from that seeing, something opened in me this weekend.

Something occurred that invited me into deep stillness. What I saw from there shook me.

The illusion of what it means to be “in a relationship”how fucking messy just that term can be.

We create identities partner, girlfriend, wife, mother, daughter, friend, and with them come invisible roles, unspoken expectations, emotional contracts. Suddenly, it’s not just two people, It’s two identities trying to survive through each other.

And when one of those identities begins to dissolve?

It’s not just emotional pain that arises, it’s physical.

The body aches. The energy shakes. Because those roles lived in your cells. And when the illusion cracks, everything moves.

I used to believe that love meant holding space no matter what. Being the soil someone grows in. But what I’ve now seen is:

I’m not here to be the soil. I’m the sun.

Warm. Illuminating. Present.

They must choose to grow.

There’s a difference between love and tolerance.

Between acceptance and self-abandonment.

Love isn’t the illusion. But what we’ve wrapped around it is.

The stories.

The timelines.

The hope that someone else will make us feel secure.

That they’ll grow into what we imagined.

That we must shape them to fit the partner we want.

That’s not love. That’s control disguised as care.

And I see now that I’ve played a role in all of it.

Across so many relationships, romantic, platonic, familial,

Kate’s role was to help.

To explain.

To fix.

To make things easier to see.

Even when she was the one hurting.

She would hold the doorway open and try to drag people through it, believing they had to see. That it was her job to guide them through. But it never was.

Now she sees.

The doorway can remain open. But it’s their choice to walk through. And if they don’t, that too is a choice, conscious or not. It’s not hers to carry.

This remembrance moved through deeply through the body.

It wasn’t just one moment, it was layers of things unfolding at once.

It was like life was whispering:

“See here?”

“Now look here…”

“Oh, and this too.”

And I did. I saw all of it. The whole illusion.

This doesn’t just apply to romantic relationships.

It applies to all of them.

Friendships.

Parents.

Siblings.

Children.

Every true relationship is rooted in love.

But we forget: there is never meant to be someone outside of us who “loves us.”

We are the love.

This is why people can only meet you in love as deeply as they’ve met themselves.

And why relationships are some of the most potent fields for unraveling and remembering.

And for Kate relationships have been a huge part of her path. So much remembering has come through them. Through heartbreak. Through entanglement. Through witnessing illusion dissolve.

And there will be more. Of course there will.

But what’s been seen now cannot be unseen.

So here’s what remains:

If something doesn’t feel right in your body,

It is already out of alignment with love (the purest form)

You don’t need proof.

You don’t need a reason.

You don’t need permission to honour that.

Let yourself see it. All of it. And then watch what remains when the illusion dissolves:

Presence.

Stillness.

And maybe for the first time, real connection.

This way of seeing will feel unfamiliar at first, like standing barefoot on new earth. But it’s not too hard, and it’s not too different. It’s just real. And real doesn’t demand anything from you. It simply invites you.

It invites you to love without losing yourself. To relate without control. To hold the door open without dragging anyone through it.

It’s not absence, it’s presence.

Not detachment, it’s clarity.

And as strange as it may seem at first… it’s where true connection finally begins.